If there was to be a general catchup of what's been going on, it would go something like this.
BLOG: Where have you been? Is it SO hard to hit the 'new post' key?
ME: It's been hard to remember I even have a blog, much less technologically advanced processes like hitting the 'new post key'. I only did it now because i came here by accident.
ME: Same as before, but lost two pounds. So, same as before but my pants fit a smidge better. Ie, no buttons popping off, no seams recklessly endangering life.
BLOG: Hmph. I heard you have been eating muffins and cream cheese frosting on a daily basis.
ME: You would too if you opened a cafe. SOMEONE has to test the produce!!
BLOG: A Cafe? Why would you do that?
ME: Good question. A cafe is stupidly hard work. I mean, worthy work and all, fun work and all, but ack, what a salt mine it is.
BLOG: So i guess between that and your baby you haven't been writing much? Should we change the blog template? Perhaps something bland and beige?
ME: Au contraire, little bloggie. I have finished my manuscript! In a hundred daily acts of defiance, writing time was found and pounced on, early or late, sometimes in the car at traffic lights. Triumph we have!
BLOG: Is Yoda here?
ME: Will you stop pouting if I say 'yes'?
BLOG: No. Pouting is my right.
ME: As are inane entries.